Alben & Lieder

It´s Great To Lead An Antiseptic Life

1947, Text/Musik: Georg Kreisler

Every morning when I wake there are several precautions I take.
First I get into a tub, then I wash and then I scrub.
Then I down my negligee and I gargle and I spray,
and I keep my teeth clean with a can of gasoline.

With a hose I get rid of the last bit of grit,
and I spray the whole house with a gallon of Flit
And when every corner is shiny and bright,
I know that I've done what is healthy and right.

It's great to lead an antiseptic life.
No doubt abut it, found out about it.
Since kissing carries germs I've gotten wise,
and every girl I kiss, I pasteurize.

It's great to lead an antiseptic life.
There's lots I know now, I take it slow now.
Since dirt can often get into your glands,
before I take a bath I wash my hands.

I never take chances on parties or dances,
regardless of season or clime.
I don't go to plays or clubs or cafes,
because people there breathe all the time.

It's great to lead an antiseptic life.
I seek protection against infection.
And when I die I'll say with my last breath:
It's great to die an antiseptic death.

How it pained me to discover that I could not be a lover
though the girl may be as lovely as they come.
But when I'm filled with deep emotion,
I pass girls a cleaning lotion
and I scrub 'em of with Super Suds and Mum.

I masked my frustration for the sake of sanitation
and at night on my pillows I don't count sheep, I count bacillas.

It's great to have an antiseptic wife,
for every hour we take a shower,
and gargling is a habit that she loves.
Whenever we hold hands we both wear rubber gloves.
She uses Palmolive, Pepsodent and Lifebuoy by the score.
Duz does everything, but she does more.
She uses Listerine and Kolynos and Lux to my delight,
and her soul is Rinso white.

She serves sterilized fricassees
and deodorized cheese.
She broils the most hygienic steaks
and when it comes to making love she's got what it takes.
Of course kissing is wonderful,
but being germ-free is better,
so I won't let her.