Alben & Lieder

Butler Burton

Text/Musik: Georg Kreisler

From London to Warsaw, from Shanghai to Texas
people are made of two different sexes.

When the world was first conceived,
I'm sure everyone was relieved
to discover that for every her there was a him.
Otherwise ... otherwise it would would have been very confusing
and considerably less amusing.
But now all dogs and hogs have their female hogs and dogs,
a lion in distress has his lioness,
a fox has his vixen,
and Mason has Dixon.

But it grieves me to report - I'm very sorry -
about a person in a different category:

Our Butler Burton, our Butler Burton,
as a Butler he's a jewel.
Our Butler Burton, our Butler Burton
doesn't seem to follow the general rule.

Our Butler Burton is uncertain
it's a very awkward thing,
for we have a lot of men around the place.
When he demonstrates his passion on a visitor of fashion,
oh a Butler should be subtler in his case
there's just no clue to what he'll do,
you never know which sex he's gonna woo.

Our Butler Burton is uncertain
life with him is so exacting
his peculiar way of acting's a disgrace.

Our Butler Burton is uncertain,
and when he wants to have a fling,
he just slips his arm around the chauffeur's waist
Now our chauffeur is a loafer,
but that's one thing he won't go for,
femininity is much more to his taste.

So Burton's through, he's feeling blue,
and any butcher, baker, candlestick-maker will do.
Our Butler Burton is uncertain
and his manners are erratic
and empathically he ought to be replaced.

He's ambitious and officious,
9 AM 'til five,
he looks normal and a-formal
and when the guests arrive,
until the drinks are served
the quorum is preserved,
but alcohol releases his sexual caprices

Our Butler Burton is uncercertain
it's a very awkward thing
for we cannot keep a gardener very long
When he's working on the flowers,
he just pesters him for hours,
and the pansies sing a melancholy song.

And when he's stewed he's rather crude,
and he recieves our callers in the nude.
Our Butler Burton is uncertain
and he's getting disconcerted,
for he knows that it's perverted and its's wrong.

He's obedient, expedient
he knows what to serve
he's gracious etictious
full of joy and verve
'til someone comes his way
with whom he can be gay.
Without a "beg-your-pardon"
they exit to the garden.

Our Butler Burton is uncertain
it's a very awkward thing,
for we cannot let him have a moment free.
Once I hired him a floozy,
but the fellow was so choosy
He just looked at her surprized and said "Who, me?"

I am dismayed and I'm afraid,
I think our Butler would be better as a maid.
Our Majordomo is a homo and it can't go on like this,
for the footman is defensive,
and the rumours are extensive
an d the lawsuit is expensive,
and my wife is apprehensive,
that the fellow may destroy our wedded bliss,
for every night when I come home.
he wants a kiss.